Holidays...too much?

So I read an interesting blog yesterday and it really got me thinking.  Probably some of the over 1000 comments on the post that I read.  People were pretty heated on both sides of the discussion.  I felt like I sat somewhere in the middle.  Some of what the blog wrote really bugged me and felt judgemental, but other parts I agreed with.  When it came to the comments I tended to agree strongly or disagree strongly with all of them, they seemed to be so exteme one way or another.  I didn't find as much middle ground.  So what was this discussion that has had me thinking so much?  All this came on the heals of a church lesson about Be Ye therefore perfect, even as your God is perfect.  (I'm probably quoting that wrong.   My "thoughts are in color below my summary of what she said that got me thinking.

Her basic post was that the over achievers do too much for holidays and put expectations on the rest of us and we need to just stop.  Now, don't get me wrong, I do fully understand that her initial post was written satyrical.  But much of what she said made me think.  I have attached a link at the bottom if you are insterested in reading it in her words.  But she starts out talking about St Patricks day and how we should not need to do anything but wear green.  One of her children ended up in a screaming fit when they realized no leprechaun came to their house.  She says that don't do it just because social media says to do it your kids won't remember that they had green milk one year or didn't. 

Ironically this was probably the part that I was more bugged by her than any.  It had nothing to do with her not doing something for her kids for St Patricks day.  But we all do different things, teach your kid that they don't get to do/have everything everyone else does.  It's a good lesson.  We do have the leprechauns visit our house many years but not all years.  They know they don't always come to everyone's house.  It depends on age of kids and things going on in my life.  But we have fun.  My mom did this since I was a kid so it's a fun tradition from my childhood to carry on with my kids.  But, my point here was my kids may cry and throw a tantrum when they realize that kid so and so got to go snowboarding or to disney land or wherever else.  My kid didn't.  That's reality.  It didn't mean that others shouldn't take those trips just so my kids don't have an expectation to be able to take them.  My kids have to learn the the realities of our financial situation...we don't take big trips, but I can find super cheap ways to add fun to our life by doing something fun for holidays.

I also really had to disagree with the sentiment that kids wouldn't remember.  As I said I remember those fun things my mom did for us as kids.  I remember the 7 course meal with proper silverwear, I remember the April Fools jokes we played on neighbors, I remember the leprechauns upending all our furnature.  But what I couldn't tell you is if all those things happened every single year or just several times.  I couldn't tell you what I got for 90% of my birthdays or Christmas's.  I remember the things we did together not the stuff she bought me.  I remember the year we made colored sugar easter eggs with a little scene in them.  I still want to do that with my kids. So yes, your kids will remember those things but they might not remember the gifts. 

She briefly hit a couple points on Elf on the shelf and advent calendars having full presents every day. 

Okay, I think the idea of Elf on the shelf is fun, just too much work/committment for me.  :)  On that same note we do some sort of count down but typically cheap to free...to hear that people really give full size presents every day for 30 days leading up to Christmas told me that they have a lot more money than me.  My kid will never expect that from our house.  But maybe my kid will always remember that we did the 12 day of Christmas to a family to bring a smile to their family.  And all that took is plates of goodies and such. 

Then she hit on goodie bags or over the top cuties valentines...what's wrong with a cheap pack of valentines cards?  She makes the comment that if you don't send candy only a card your kid is shunned at school. 

Several people in the comments hit on the goodie bag thing.  It made me laugh. I totally relate on that one.  My kids NEVER give goodie bags.  But my kids get super cool cakes.  My kids also never to go big expensive preplanned party locations with a large group of kids  I am a cake baker so they can have cool cakes.  I hate making goodie bags so they don't get those, and I just can't afford the big party locations.

I thought this one was kind of funny and sad.  A great friend of mine did something different this year for Valentines...koolaid packets saying something about being a "kool friend"  It meant my kid didnt' get another piece of candy they didn't need.  The harm there is what?  Also this year for Ellie's preschool class she got fun things like bouncy ball again with a cute saying.  Can I afford to do that?  No, can they afford to do things like that if it was a class bigger than 6, maybe not.  But even if they did, again it's finding cute things to do that aren't candy.  Again it seems to go along with what she is overall asking for at one point and that's less candy.  She complains about spending the time making such things.  It's funny that some of the things like homemade candy crayons which was complained about could be made for no cost at all just time with your kids.  If you have time and want to craft with your kids great, that shouldn't be a bad thing. 

But the thing that hit me most in this part was that her kid is shunned at school for not sending candy.  Really?  My kids have never been made to feel like less and we don't ever give candy.  It makes me wonder if the kids really are which makes me really sad for her kids that they are treated that way or is she just worrying for feeling like they are when really kids could care less.  Most the time they don't pay much attention to who gives what when it comes to stuff like this. 

Then she gets on the kids schools by celebrating things like 100 day at school, pi day, and dr suess holiday.  She hits on the parents who take the time to make/buy cute costumes for their kids when asked to dress up for such things and how much those are made up holidays and puts added pressure on her as a mom to do more.

Okay so the school is now wrong for finding fun things to celebrate..now, if my 9th grader had to make something that used 100 things to celebrate 100 day I would complain, but my kids when younger thought it was fun.  Can it be more work at times for a parent than the kid. Yes, but I have also learned that kids can be more a part of those things and it may not look as "picture sharing" worthy for such things like pintrist but great for those who love my kids.  Pi Day, again to do at school something fun for that does not mean you must do it again at home.  Dr Suess celebration, why not?  So many of the "holidays" we celebrated as kids are taken away from schools in fear of offending why not be creative and fun with a class and do something a little unexpected? 

We also had Rachel point out she could go all out for dressing up as anything when asked at school and it cost me nothing and not even usually much time.  So what if some other kid comes in a store bought costume...maybe they were that for halloween.  Either way, my daughter loved her costumes she created more than most she saw.  But if my son doesn't want to dress up at all for such things...unless a grade is required for it he doesn't.  And he chooses not to and so do many of his friends.  Again no shunning involved on doing something different.  It's about standing up for who you are. 

Lastly she hits on Easter baskets being filled with crazy presents to rival christmas and all the custie things that some do to add to the easter bunny tradition.  She talks about how it needs to be okay to do a cheap egg die and not a fancy art piece of eggs.

I think it's crazy again to think kids get such things as ipods in their easter baskets...I sure don't have that kind of money.  But I don't fill it with tons of candy either.  I may spend a little more than the cheap 8.99 basket of premade crap, but they love a new swimsuit, book and the smallest chocolate bunny that can be found. 

The egg dying one made me laugh.  Again, who doesn't think that's okay.  Honestly at our house there have been years we haven't even died eggs, busy life and such got in the way.  But on the flip side we had a lot of fun the one year we died with real fruits and veggies to see what they would all look like.  It was cool science at home with my kids.  But it's not something I feel pressure to do every year that is for sure.  We might try something fun with eggs this year...something different as they don't really care about normal dying.  Do I do it to show my friends up or make them feel like they must do more?  No!  I do it to have fun with my kids.


I will quote her next part as I really did like what she said here... "I don’t like the feeling of disappointing my kids. But I refuse to give into this holiday overkill. I’m overwhelmed enough as it is. Today I gave all of my kids a bath. We read with each of them for the recommended 20 minutes. We reviewed our Math Facts. We practiced guitar. We sat together at the table and ate a meal that was NOT procured at a drive-thru. We played outside. Most days, I’m struggling to achieve all these things. I can’t have these haphazard, once-monthly overblown holidays take over my life. I can go big for Christmas and Easter.  That's all I can handle."

Overall I really liked that paragraph.  There are lots of times when I choose to not do something becuase we are good to do those things we are doing as a family.  At the same time, sometimes we are good to put the school work away, put the tv away, and spend some family time doing something my kids will remember doing with us.

Then she goes on to plea with every mom out there to do less.  To bring it down an notch and give the overwhelmed parents a break.

I think this part made me laugh the most.  Really that is the society we live in that it's better to ask others to do less than to teach our kids what we do or don't do is okay?  I think I hit on this a lot earlier but we all do something more than others and other things less than others.  We need to decide what things we need to do more or less of for our families and be okay with that instead of pressing people to not do as much.  To me, this is more about why we are doing those things. Do we feel pressure becuase social media says we need to do something we don't want to do?  Probably.  But we need to learn to stand up and say no to that which doesn't work in our life.  Cause I can tell you there is always going to be people who are going to do more than we think we should/can. 

She then puts in an adendum that she didn't mean to offend anyone.  She says, "If it doesn't resonate, no big deal. If you are feeling offended, that wasn’t my intent. But it might be wise to consider why the offense is there, and in what ways we all (myself included) might be contributing to a culture in which mothers feel like the need to “do more” is distracting from the main event: quality time with their kids".

I think that is the sum of things well, the big question that needs asking of myself, is my doing this taing away from my quality time with my kids or is it adding great memories to my kids?  If it is taking away, then have the courage to be different from someone around you and don't do it just because a cool friend did it.  But if it's building great memories with your kids...then do it and don't worry about what other people think. 

Be ye therefore perfect even as your Lord God is perfect

For me, the lesson on this is part of what got me thinking so much about this blog post.  We talked about how that scripture can be very overwhelming.  To be perfect in all things all the time is so hard.  To be a perfectly patient mom, a loving wife, have a clean house, family scripture study, quality time as a family, encouage kids in ways they need, build talents, personal scripture, family prayer, personal prayer, my calling, my husband's calling, scouts, activity days, involved in the community, food storage, get out of debt, education, keep a journal, family history, temple attendance, homework, canning assignment, service, be a good neighbor, visitng teaching, home teacing, etc, etc, etc.....

How do we do it all?  How can I be that perfect?  Part of it is I can't right now. So rather than get down on myself for those things I can't do or compare myself to someone who appears to do things better, to focus instead on what I do do well. 

So for me, I have fun on the holidays, I try to keep my house from being trashed, we try to get homework done, we try to the spiritual things we need to do, we leave time for our callings, and at times we skip things so we can do something else that might be more important right then.  My 13 year old didn't help my 15 year old on every step of his Eagle project, he took a day to play on an invitational soccer team. 

The other part that I loved that the lesson pointed out is that if the Lord gives it as a commandment is is not only possible but he will help us to achieve it.  So if I keep turning to God, doing the best I can that day...that hour etc, then he will help me become perfect.  There is hope but not an expectation to do it all right now.  I liked the hope.  I liked how that tied into the blog post for me.  To focus on what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, what it's doing for family and using the ones I'm not doing as a means to teach my children we are all dfferent instead of expecting all of us to drop down to the level of another.


So if you made it to the end of my long rambling thoughts.  Good job!  You are more patient than I would probably have been.  For me, and for my kids, this is just a reminder that you don't need to do something to get others approval, you don't need to do something just becuase someone else does, but the reverse is true also.  You shouldn't need to avoid something just becuase someone else doens't do it.  Be true to you, God will love you for it. 

Here is the link to her blog if you are interested. 

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2013/03/lets-bring-holidays-down-notch.html