Okay so this post feel free to ignore. I just want to express my frustrations for a minute. I have really been trying for the last few weeks to finish Christmas so I could start the year off with some great new years resolutions. I thought of a couple and have tossed them aside, or still really want to figure out a way to do them but I just can't make it work. I had settled at one point on a motto for the year instead of a list of goals. I had settled on simplify. You know cut out the extras not just in business of life but in budget, eating, soda etc. Yeah, I'm on my third Diet Coke today trying to finish Christmas presents and not feeling like I know how to do that. So instead I thought I'd just take a break from all that I need to be doing and think outloud. You all get to hear my thoughts...aren't you scared...I mean lucky?
So here's what I'm REALLY tired of. I'm tired of trying to do what is right and good and feeling like no matter what I do it's wrong or not enough. Here are a few examples. This fall we cut out competitive soccer to give us back our life. What did we do with that life we got back? Watched more TV, played more video games, whined and fought more. Ummmm, pretty sure that wasn't what I was looking to get out of that deal. Okay so a lot of why we cut that out was due to money. It's so expensive and we are trying to do better living within our means. Some of the other things we did to help this is cut out all my yummy trips to fast food, cut out lots of soda in my life, cut out eating out in general, cut out extra treats and sweets around the house that kill my budget, live primarily off our food storage and bountiful baskets. Looking back at this last year we really did a lot better than I ever thought we could. We are trying hard to continue that style of living. So we've been able to work on some debt and that feels great. I try to focus on that. Cause since we cut out fast food, trips to Sonic and QT for sodas, eating out, and the extra treats at the grocery store my pant size has gone up from a 14 to an 18!! Seriously! That is so not fair! I have done better than I have in years at being more active and fit, not excessively so but so much more than years past. I've cut the TV and video games almost to the point of non existence in our house. A little at bedtime as kids are in bed and I try to get things done but it's rarely on during the day and we never have time in the afternoon.
So with all that for last year, my dilema what to keep and what to change from what we did last year to what to do this year. First I want to keep cutting our expenses where I can. Do better each month at the eating out and sodas. I know those are my huge weak point in life. I like food that's prepared by someone else and isn't healthy. I accept that about myself but for the sake of our budget I'm trying really hard to do better with those. Speaking of eating, here is one of my frustrations. To do the best thing for the budget it's to eat food storage food. Boring and bland and not always the most healthy but definately the cheapest. To do the best things for John and I trying to loose weight would be to eat and cook healthier which is much more expensive! And today it was pointed out to me in the kindest way that I'm not carb loading my kids who are sports active like I should which is why they are run down and likely sick. So, who do I cook for? I can't win! That's my frustration in all of this. I can't do it all. There just isn't any way.
Jumping subjects again but saying sick reminded me. I want to vent. I have really been pushed by many people docs, friends, people who's opinions I care about to not get the H1N1 and flu vaccine this year. We usually always get it and now I remember why. I don't care what you say, my family didn't get it and we have been sicker again and again than we have been in years. Again, it's one of those areas where I can't win. I'm trying to make the best decisions for myself and my husband and my kids, but it just never seems to be enough.
Let's jump to Christmas. With this whole keep it in a tight budget thing I went for making lots of presents. Serving others with my time in place of neighbor gifts, homemade presents for each other in the family, so I do really good to keep things in this great tight budget and have a small christmas. What happens in the end? Last minute other gifts are added to the piles that I hadn't budgeted for taking the extra money I brought in and sending it out the window. A great big christmas that the kids loved, and christmas cards not done the way I like them...some of them still not mailed, christmas presents to my sister, john's sister and all our parents now 19 days into January almost done and should be mailed off by tomorrow hopefully, and a sweet comment to me about how I tried to do to much and should have just gone out and bought something for them instead of all this work so long after the fact.
The problem with all of this is no matter what the intentions are of the people who make these comments, and I truely believe they are all given with me in mind, to help me be a better person and show me they love an care about me, is that in the end I feel like I let everyone down. It's never enough, it's never right.
So, that brings me up to speed on where my thoughts have jumped all over the place this past few weeks and to the decsion of my new years resolutions...drum roll please...
"What's best for mom is best for everyone"
There that's going to be my motto for the year. I read it in a book once and it's always stuck with me in the back of my mind. I'm going to focus on myself feeling healthy and happy. It's all about moderation for me and the way to make me happy is through moderation. I WILL not cut out all the things in my life, food, hobbies, etc to simplify too much, yet I will not get so focused on one I can't find time for the others. I will keep plucking away at debt, living as cheaply as I can, yet I will still take time for pictures and scrapbooking, I will eat as much as I can from my food storage, yet I will try to be moderately healthy as we do it. I'm not going to loose 50 lbs in the next 3 months, though I would love to. :) Instead I will start going to work out 2 mornings a week with my husband and cut out a soda here and there. I will take time for the things I love, yet I will take time to do the things I don't like clean my house and cook for my family. It's all going to be about balance for me.
So this year you may visit me and my house looks great and my office has been empty for days, or you may visit a wreck of a house but a stack of completed projects, or you may visit a wreck of a house with a warm meal on the table cooked by me and a 2 year old who got her mom's attention during the day and other kids who made it to soccer and cross country and dance and help with their homework.
But whatever mom you find that day, know that it's the best one for me that day and that is what I'm going to be and do this year.
7 comments:
I think that is a great plan... I hit this point last year and that is one of the many reasons I decided to go back to work for awhile, so that I could have something else to take my mind off of everything that wasn't getting done in my everyday routine day in and day out hang in there we will all make it together one step at a time.
Oh Kim. So sorry you feel like you are letting everyone down. Don't we all feel that way sometimes? I think it is a great idea to do what is best for you this year! I have seen quite a few women who focus so much on everything else that they lose themselves. You being happy will definitely make a difference in how happy your family is - whether your house is clean or "dirty", you made a meal or ordered one, you were really busy doing projects or sat and played the Wii. Do what you need to and don't feel guilty about it.
PS: I know you are working on debt. One thing I heard once that has always stuck in my mind is that eating healthy now might cost more now, but in the long run, you will be healthier and that will save you so much more in medical costs that it is worth it. Which is hard to think about right now because you are trying to not spend as much money. Just a thought anyway.
Good for you, Kim!! Here's another piece of advice to add to your growing list of thing other people think you should do: get a set of ear plugs and stop listening to other people's advice. Sure, you've got your flaws, like the rest of us. But you are a strong, intellegent and CAPABLE woman. Most of your problems, you have the solution within yourself already and you don't need a lot of outside input. I think your new motto is exactly the ticket. I hope you stick to it and have a very happy year!!
well, i tried to ignore your post, like you said to at the beginning, but for some reason, i just kept reading. so you're the rebellious type,eh, wanting to do whatever you want despite what others tell you to? cheers to you!
loved this post! miss hanging with you at the park!
So for anyone who gets clear to this point of this post know that I am happy with my life. My husband read this post and worried that I'm depressed and hate my life. On the contrary I really love my life. I am content with where I am right now, I just know I can't do it ALL at once and need to figure out what is best for me and my family since I can't do it all.
I actually LOVED this post. It's said just perfectly!
Post a Comment