My boy is growing up

I don't have any other journal anymore except this one.  There are random scraps of paper all over the house but nothing that could be found or put together.  So I won't go into some details here but wanted to capture my feelings and such about today.  My sweet boy Matthew is really growing up.  In about a week he can get his learners permit to drive UGH!  Anyway, he decided a little while ago that he was ready to get his patriarchal blessing.  We have a unique experience to be in the same ward as the stake patriarch so we know him quite well.  Anyway, the whole experience is so different than what I remember.  Not sure if it's the patriarch, the way things just change over time with direction, being the mom instead of the receiver or what, but needless to say this was a very different experience for me.  Patriarch Coltrin spent about an hour with Matthew and John and I talking about the importance of these blessings, the responsibilities that come with them, the eternal opportunities with them, counsel to protect them, and counsel to live worthy of them.  It was pretty powerful stuff.  Some of the stories he told showed how though you may interpret and think something has been fulfilled it can have more than one meaning.  He talked about how they are counseled against saying anything specific about their life unless the spirit guides them to do just that. 

One story he shared was about when he gave blessings to a couple the wife was pregnant.  He was prompted to tell her about her pregnancy.  He said, I thought, what do I say?  I don't know anything about being pregnant.  He said the more he pondered and followed the spirit he was prompted to tell this sister she would raise the boy she was pregnant with to adulthood among other things.  A few months later the sister miscarried the baby.  He said it shook him, he poured his heart out to the Lord asking if he had been wrong to say what he did.  He said the answer came back clear to him.  He was asked if he didn't believe what he said when he told those he gave blessings to that they were eternal.  If he believed that than he could have piece and know that this woman would have that son to raise when she crossed the veil herself.  I understand why he shared the story to help Matthew see the eternal part of blessings.  But for me, with all my losses it was so much more.  It was a confirmation that all I believe about my children I have miscarried will be mine.  It was such a huge peace to get that reaffirmation.  I love it when the Lord works to touch our hearts and knows when those tender mercies will mean so much.

Anyway, back to Matthew's blessing.  As I sat there while he was getting his blessing the spirit in that room was so powerful.  You could just feel the love the Lord has for my son so incredibly strong.  I was overcome more than once at what a privilege it is to be his mother here on earth. 

After the blessing as I watched Brother Coltrin pull his hands off Matthew's head you could see him almost struggling to let go of the spirit enough to talk to us again.  Words can't describe the power you saw in those moments, and the awe I felt that that power and strength was just for my son.    He took a minute to talk to Matthew and told him that he doesn't listen much to what he says as he gives it as he is trying to listen to how he should be directed next but he was looking forward to going home to listen to it and transcribe it as the promises and the love the Lord has for Matthew was so incredibly powerful.  He spoke to Matthew for a few minutes about how honored he was to be able to be the one to give him that blessing.  I had similar thoughts about how lucky I was to be honored to be in that room while it was given.  I love my son so much!  I don't ever want to forget how much the Lord loves him.  Because all this showed me that as much as I love my Matthew, nothing I feel for him even compares to what the Lord feels for him.