One thing I would have never guessed is he is a man who struggles with depression. After he talked briefly about that he sang, "You don't know how long it's gonna last" Man isn't that so true.
Then he spoke about his amazing wife. She cared for 3 years for both her parents and her in-laws as their health declined. But then when they were in a nursing home all she could see was that she couldn't do it anymore instead of focusing on the fact that she could do it for 3 years. Here is my guilty confession. When he sang the song, "She doesn't know" I kind of felt it was about me. Here's where I feel I need to put a caviot in and where I spent the weekend learning I shouldn't. I am not trying to say I'm perfect, just that I felt that song summed me up. But at the same time, that whole sentence I'm writing is why in a way that song I feel describes me. It's about a frazzled women who does all these things for so many people, mingled in there many, many, many mistakes but in the end she judges herself for all those mistakes instead of looking at the good she has done. I do that all to often. It's a reminder to me to stop and focus on what I have accomplished instead of what I didn't accomplish right. "She doesn't know she's an angel in diuise. She got blinded by the light of the good she does. She's a saint because she doesn't know she's given her whole heart."
For those who wonder how much I love him as a composer need to know that an amazing gift idea for me would be to get me tickets, a copy of the cd etc to his new musical he's writing called Threads. It's all about the different ways we see ourselves as women and need to look for the good all those bring into our lives. Its written from the point of a 3 year old.
Some of the important questions in life is figuring out which part is ours and which part someone else is going to take care of. "Which part is mine Lord, which part is yours? Do ou hear me? I can feel you near me. After I've done my best, I know you'll do the rest because I know you hear me." He talked about when he wrote the song. It stopped at at the Which part is yours which part is mine. He played it for his wife who told him it had a sad ending and he needed to fix it. He was suprised at his wife, felt it was fine and left it. Then the night before he was set to record it he sat down at the piano and he could see the farmers daughter, he could actually feel her struggles as he sang each verse, but then when he got to the end as he felt her feelings he knew there was more. He sat and sang, "Can you hear me?" over and over and over again. He said someone upstairs yelled they could and to go to bed, but he realized that this was the plea in his heart as well as hers. That's when the ending to the song came as he felt the answer from the Lord. He could feel her feeling the Lord near her...near him. He knew that the Lord was there to comfort her, to comfort him and to fill in her gaps and his gaps. That's when the ending of that song came as he wrote about his own feelings of knowing the Lord helps him fill in his gaps.
He then talked about how he would let the spirit guide him on what songs to sing and share tonight. He would pause for a bit while, then he would just jump into a new direction. Some were funny, some were heartfelt. They were all perfect! I don't know the name of the next song he sang but oh my goodness I loved it! He said it was for all of those mom's who had a bad mom day. "I have not been the mom you needed me to be...Tonight I wish you could sing the lullaby to me". Those lullaby moments, wehen we feel those confortings realizations that we came to this earth for who we are not for what we didn't do. Let go fo those things we didn't do, know that most likely you are pulling yourself to thin as it is and don't be too hard on ourselves. We need to be that gentle on ourselves not so hard on us. "He has born those auful burdens so we can be gentle on ourselves". It seemed to be a theme throughout the weekend for me. Let go of not being able to do everything and just do the best you can and be nicer to yourself about those things you don't get done.
He talked about the song From God's arms to my arms to yours. When he was asked to write the song he didn't know how. It reminded him that God knew how she felt. When he played the song he wrote for the girl she asked him how she knew exactly how she felt. He said he didn't. But God knows you. He said I was in the dark, I promived when the light whispered I would respond. And if God can whisper to a man songwriter the words about a girl giveing up her baby for adoption, then think of what he can whisper to help you do what you need to do. He can build so much on your goodness. "I believe there's a light that shines in everyone, our joy will come when we choose his right and answer his call. My joy will burn bright when we follow his light." Of course he ended with my favorite, "Its hard to say good-bye and let go. When we're apart lets remember the spirit we shared together. We can be together forever someday." This year has been hard without some of my children living. This reminder to my heart was what I needed to hear and feel.
2 comments:
i love it when something is so inspiring to us, something that just gives us that light and understanding that we were searching for and didn't even know it. thanks for sharing.
Sounds amazing. So glad you were there. I think you are spot on too! You don't know how good you are!
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