Words of wisdom I want to do better to follow

Words of wisdom...

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

-Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Okay so here is my confession, instead of doing the things I need to do today I'm giving my kids a huge todo list to earn video games to get me caught up around the house. I feel guilty about it, especially when I am just sitting here reading blogs. I had a disappointment last night which kept me up a lot last night stewing over it. It really bugged me that I'm stewing over this since seriously it is not a big deal. It really shouldn't bug me. But then I stayed up later stewing over the fact that I was stewing over this. UGH! So this morning I gave my kids lists of things to get done. Each in charge of an area in the house that is behind. None of it's horrible but behind enough my husband is in a bad mood over it so we need to get it caught up. I could spend all day doing it while the kids play video games but there are other things I need to do today. Too bad that's not what I'm doing. Emotionally I was just too overwhelmed. As I have pondered why it's bugging me so much it comes to a few things, first and likely the highest thing is one of my best friends is moving away. I am trying to spend every possible minute with her this week so I've been over helping her box alot to spend time with her. I knew I would do this and made the decision I would let my house go while I did this cause I could clean my house this weekend, but I can't spend time with her this weekend. I don't regret the time, in fact if you ask me it's the best thing I did for myself. But I haven't really let myself cry over her leaving and the anxiety of that is building and making me a little (or a lot) irrational about other things.
Next, the kids had their last day of school yesterday and I don't have summer vacation plans set yet, and due to finances that we spent getting me better and the fact that my fridge will likely not make it through the summer there is a VERY high chance that I will not get to go to UT to visit my family this summer. I'm really upset about it but am pushing the emotion and stress of not having it figured out aside, just letting it build so far.
I did a couple things this week expecting some money to come in from the time spent doing it, and it didn't. Which frustrates me for the thought of why the heck I do some of what I do. I'm not talking about serving. That I don't regret or expect anything back, just the other stuff that you do expecting money to compensate for the time away from family or the things we need to get done around the house and when it doesn't work like it was supposed to it's just plain hugely frustrating. Then I don't know what to say or if to say something. It's a friend that did it to me, though she may not realize yet what she did. I don't want to make things awkward yet I was really counting on the money to get myself to UT to visit my family. It's so hard not to judge or hold a grudge sometimes!!!
So all of this led me to just sit and read blogs rather than do any of those things I should do. I was reading a friend's blog and she was talking about those days/weeks you let yourself and house go and sit at home and cry about it. Another friend talked about a trip she took that didn't go exactly like she'd hoped. Another talked about the ways we find our chocolate (or other thing) fix that we need when things are really bad. She did say chocolate marshmallow mateys work in a bind. It made me realize...or reminded me is likely a better thing, as I put comments on their blog to encourage them that we all have these days/weeks. Where we are frustrated. We all need to give ourselves a break every now and then. We all need to let ourselves cry. We all need to give up some of what we wanted and enjoy what we did get.
So as I was thinking about all these things when I was reading another friends blog and she had the quote at the top of this post. It made me realize what I wanted to be. I don't want to be perfectly put together all the time, I want to be absorbed in life, good and bad and just pick myself up and do a little more, a little better each day.