My hippie Uncle Gary!

My uncle Gary is one of those guys who you can't help but smile when you think of him. He was a great guy!

He always said things like, "Peace Man" and "Just be happy" Those were things he said long after the hippie days had passed. He said them to me just this summer when we were out visiting. But then only a true hippie at heart could rock the hair he did. The picture of him in his obituaries is one of my favorites. I mean seriously, who can rock hair like that at his age?

He is a man who had his own style always. He was never embarrassed or ashamed of who he was. He owned his own skin. I always wanted just a little of his confidence. That ability to not care if others were wearing long hair, or suspenders or cool hats. He liked it and wanted to wear it so he did.

I had to ask my mom after he passed away when he married my Aunt Sue, I can't remember them not being together. They married sometime when I was under 4, so yeah, pretty much he's always be around! So much of what I remember about him was just who he was, how he treated me, how he made me feel.

The actual details of his life are more of a snip it and a blurr. I don't really know what was fact and what was what a kid remembers. It sticks in my mind that they lived out of state with a boat for a while. They had owned the house my grandparents bought from them when they moved out of state. Then after my grandparents passed away that same house is now owned by my cousin. That just seems to be a "family" home. It became a home I visited from a young age. When they moved back it was so much fun. They always seemed to be the "life" of a party or gathering. They always made time for me and my family. (These details might be wrong...they are just the way I remember them.)

Like I said, it's more that I always remmeber laughing when he was around. I enjoyed the way he would drive Aunt Sue nuts at times. Though I'm pretty sure she didn't see it the same way. He just had such a relaxed way he looked at the world you wanted to just relax and not let things get to you as much when you were around him and aunt Sue.

It's funny in a way, when a person passes on from this life we look back and forget how crazy he would drive us or how he might not have always been a "good example" with things he did in his life. Those things don't seem so important. This is a time to remember the great things about him. To embrace those qualities he had that made him so uniquely him. And I know, some of those same quailities could be hard but I am grateful that I can look back and see the good from all those and not think much about the other side of those. I guess it's how I hope people will look at me one day. Forget how crazy I drove them and just remember how much I loved living the life of crazy with me. That's the way it must have always been for Aunt Sue!

After I married and moved away, whenever I came to town to visit they always saw me. Most of the pictures here I found so easy were of the trips I've taken over the last 9 years or so when I digital cameras. I have a picture from at least every other year when I'd get to visit family. Though I know I saw him more than I have pictures as he always tried to hide from the camera. But he shouldn't! He was a man, that even when I wasn't a great photographer you just looked at him and knew he should be imortalized. It was in his eyes, his stance, the way he wore his hair. It's all so hard to explain! He just captured your emotions and heart!

As I have thought about this and pondered and struggled over his loss the hardest thing for me is to think back on my family. Family has been such a HUGE part of my life! My family has always been there. I grew up with the kind of family where it seemed like every cousin and aunt and uncle and grandparent went to everything in your life, important or not. Birthday parties were a grand affair, but so was the priesthood session at conference along with every other little thing. So it would not be suprising that everyone came together to visit and celebrate together for my wedding along with my siblings and my cousins, but also that we all come together to greive together at my grandparents funerals and my Uncle Reed's funeral. That is why this is so hard! One of the hardest things for me with all this is being away from the family. I've missed other family funerals that really bothered me to miss. I didn't make it to my grandpa's funeral or my father's funeral. So this should be something I'm used to...but I'm not!!! I want to be there to hold my mom's hand. I want to lean on her shoulder and cry. I want to sit around with everyone at the viewing and just tell all the great stories about what a great man he was! I want to remember with everyone all the silly and dumb things he did! I want to feel the love and comfort of a family coming together when we need each other. That is the kind of family I have and it hurts to not be there to share in this moment with them. I love my family and am so grateful for them.

So know Aunt Sue and Kari and Aunt Cindy and most especially mom and everyone else that I long to be there with you. I love you all and wish I could give you all a real hug and have a good cry and a good laugh with you. But since I can't, I need to embrace what my Uncle Gary always said and apply it to not being at the funeral. "Don't worry! Just be happy! It will all work itself out!"

One interesting side note, This is my Aunt Sue (my mom's sister) who is married to Gary. But I also have an Uncle Gary (my dad's brother) who is married to a Sue.